Screw You Life…I’m Making Soup

What do you do when you have an infected tooth in need of a root canal, a veritable shit load of nasal and chest congestion and a general feeling of malaise? MAKE SOUP.

This is sort of a riff on my mom’s version of French Onion Soup, with some traditional Bloody Mary flavors added. I like to drink low sodium V8 juice all dolled up like a Bloody Mary sans the vodka so that also somewhat inspired this.

Bloody Mary Soup

1 – 28 oz can of whole, peeled plum tomatoes

1 – 14.5 oz can of diced fire roasted tomatoes

2 little tubs of Knorr homestyle beef stock (these are like little jello shots of flavor)

7 cups of water

3 bay leaves

2 small onions, diced

2 tbl olive oil

generous drizzle of worcestershire sauce

small drizzle of honey or agave syrup

generous drizzle squirt of sriracha sauce

granulated garlic, salt, pepper – to taste

the juice of one freshly squeezed lemon.



In an appropriately sized stock pot, sauté onions in olive oil until well caramelized…practically melted. In an Oxy-fueled haze, forget that you have onions cooking and really caramelize a few.


While this is happening, blend the two cans of tomatoes really well in a food processor or blender.


Add tomatoes, water, stock shots, bay leaves, worcestershire sauce, pepper, sriracha, honey and garlic. Skim any burnt onions off the surface (or, you know just claim you meant to do that when you serve the soup). Simmer on low for 1-2 hours.


Finish with the lemon juice before serving with garlic toast, grilled cheese or crackers.

Open mouth, shovel in food.

(wow. these photos truly suck the big one…that last one looks like filthy dish water. HOOOOOOOOOORK)


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